Mommy Dearest.

This is the real deal, my baby girl.

Sometimes I really feel like I am getting a taste of parenthood with my English bulldog, Bemis. It is 5:48 as I start this post. I don’t have to wake up for two and a half hours. I’ve been trying to get Bemis to sleep with me in my room so that she is more bonded with me than my mom, that way this fall she won’t be so sad to go to school with me. However, this hasn’t done great things for my sleep habits. She always seems to get diarrhea whenever she sleeps with me. Finally after enough rice, her problems were fixed and everything was fine. The only issue then was how in her sleep and mine, she’d spread out and I’d be on the other side of my bed. Not a big deal.

Well tonight it was storming. She was freaking out. Though to be honest, I don’t remember how she kept waking me up because she wasn’t being loud. I have that sleep amnesia where I know I was up, but not what happened. That was around 2:30 AM. Then around 5:30 I was awakened by a horrendous stench. Yep, she had shit not once, but twice. Off to the crate for her, and down to get cleaning supplies for me. Right now, I have some incense burning in hopes of covering up the smell so I can get those last two hours of sleep. Let’s hope it works or all those customers I’ll have tomorrow will get forgetful me serving them.

Lesson for the Day: Take your time becoming a parent. From what I’ve learned having a puppy as a child, it’s much much harder than it looks. (Though you don’t have to worry about your child flying in people’s faces biting them…)

Flirting With Frustration, Among Other Things…

Something I have come to realize is that it is damn near impossible to last an entire weekend at home without drama of some sort. I love my family to death, but there is always something.

Me in my room senior year, but edgier. Hahah.

I guess it’s really my fault. You see, in high school I upset them by spending 97% of my free time hiding up in my room. However, that really screwed me over for college when I’d have almost no alone time in my room. Anyways, my seclusion always hurt their feelings. They didn’t get why I didn’t want to be involved more. Then I went off to college and realized just how much I missed them, especially after all my together time with my mom after my back injury. So when I’d come home, I would always feel bad if I had made plans. I always made sure to plan to spend at least one full day with the family, even though I was always worried about the drama.

Now, I don’t feel bad anymore. It’s not out of an obligatory feeling that I don’t make plans. It’s out of my wanting to spend time with them. Particularly with Bemis around, I spend a lot more time downstairs and interacting. Sadly, I think this has begun to take a turn for the worse. My little brother is quite honestly a mess right now; he is obsessed with eating and refuses to turn in homework (could result in his failing of sixth grade, nice!). Spending so much time with him makes these issues very obvious to me, and out of concern, I make comments here and there. He, being the overdramatic pre-teen he is, runs and slams his door behind him, crying out “I wish you wouldn’t come home so much!” Awh, really feeling the love here.

The female version of my brother. But clothed.

Basically, what I’m saying is this… I want to come home. I want to help out. I want to see my family. But now it’s like every time I do, there’s turmoil, drama, a massive blowout. I can’t take it. My mom herself said that if she was me, she wouldn’t ever come home. I hate to have that feeling. I don’t want to avoid them, or my pup. But now I am getting so frustrated with everything. Almost every night this weekend, there was some issue with my brother. I am just so tired of hearing it. Plus, he does a ton of little things that really bother me. While he knows they bother me, he doesn’t care. He likes to strip down in the middle of the living room, tossing his clothes wherever (sorry, don’t want to see him in just boxers 24/7; he’s hitting puberty, it’s weird), he does the same with his shoes, so then Bemis goes running after them and it’s somehow my fault, he refuses to take responsibility and fix those sort of things he does.

I’m frustrated. And sad. And realizing that this really isn’t my home anymore. I don’t live here. Adjusting to this changing family dynamic is hard. It will only be harder when I come home this summer. Hell, I can’t even think about that. I’m worried enough about Spring Break right now. I know my parents mean well, but it’s my brother who is the problem. So I don’t know what to do…

Oh, and the best part of all of this? The one person I’d always talk to about this kinda stuff? Yeah, I just broke up with him. While we agreed to be friends, he doesn’t really want to hear my voice, at all. At least that’s what I heard in his when I called a few minutes ago. Wah, I hate how reliant I can be on others.

If I was super dramatic, I'd say this is how I feel right now.

Lesson for the Day: When you get frustrated, remove yourself from the situation.

P.S. When I hit “girl on computer” in Google, I got a male Sim eating at his desk. It made my night. The Sims honestly was how I spent a majority of my time from middle school until my junior year. Such an amazing and addictive game.