Flirting With Frustration, Among Other Things…

Something I have come to realize is that it is damn near impossible to last an entire weekend at home without drama of some sort. I love my family to death, but there is always something.

Me in my room senior year, but edgier. Hahah.

I guess it’s really my fault. You see, in high school I upset them by spending 97% of my free time hiding up in my room. However, that really screwed me over for college when I’d have almost no alone time in my room. Anyways, my seclusion always hurt their feelings. They didn’t get why I didn’t want to be involved more. Then I went off to college and realized just how much I missed them, especially after all my together time with my mom after my back injury. So when I’d come home, I would always feel bad if I had made plans. I always made sure to plan to spend at least one full day with the family, even though I was always worried about the drama.

Now, I don’t feel bad anymore. It’s not out of an obligatory feeling that I don’t make plans. It’s out of my wanting to spend time with them. Particularly with Bemis around, I spend a lot more time downstairs and interacting. Sadly, I think this has begun to take a turn for the worse. My little brother is quite honestly a mess right now; he is obsessed with eating and refuses to turn in homework (could result in his failing of sixth grade, nice!). Spending so much time with him makes these issues very obvious to me, and out of concern, I make comments here and there. He, being the overdramatic pre-teen he is, runs and slams his door behind him, crying out “I wish you wouldn’t come home so much!” Awh, really feeling the love here.

The female version of my brother. But clothed.

Basically, what I’m saying is this… I want to come home. I want to help out. I want to see my family. But now it’s like every time I do, there’s turmoil, drama, a massive blowout. I can’t take it. My mom herself said that if she was me, she wouldn’t ever come home. I hate to have that feeling. I don’t want to avoid them, or my pup. But now I am getting so frustrated with everything. Almost every night this weekend, there was some issue with my brother. I am just so tired of hearing it. Plus, he does a ton of little things that really bother me. While he knows they bother me, he doesn’t care. He likes to strip down in the middle of the living room, tossing his clothes wherever (sorry, don’t want to see him in just boxers 24/7; he’s hitting puberty, it’s weird), he does the same with his shoes, so then Bemis goes running after them and it’s somehow my fault, he refuses to take responsibility and fix those sort of things he does.

I’m frustrated. And sad. And realizing that this really isn’t my home anymore. I don’t live here. Adjusting to this changing family dynamic is hard. It will only be harder when I come home this summer. Hell, I can’t even think about that. I’m worried enough about Spring Break right now. I know my parents mean well, but it’s my brother who is the problem. So I don’t know what to do…

Oh, and the best part of all of this? The one person I’d always talk to about this kinda stuff? Yeah, I just broke up with him. While we agreed to be friends, he doesn’t really want to hear my voice, at all. At least that’s what I heard in his when I called a few minutes ago. Wah, I hate how reliant I can be on others.

If I was super dramatic, I'd say this is how I feel right now.

Lesson for the Day: When you get frustrated, remove yourself from the situation.

P.S. When I hit “girl on computer” in Google, I got a male Sim eating at his desk. It made my night. The Sims honestly was how I spent a majority of my time from middle school until my junior year. Such an amazing and addictive game.

  1. debut dad said:

    It sounds like you have a very mature head on your shoulders. I hope your brother finds his maturity soon too so it’s easier on you. Family… we can’t choose them. We just have to accept what/who they are and love them as much as we can because at the end of the day… they do love us no matter how childish/annoying/disobedient/lazy/irresponsible we are.

    • Thanks, I’m trying to be mature about it but at times I can’t help but give in to the sibling fighting. Haha, let’s hope so. He’s almost 12 so I’m worried we might have a few years left of him like this. I know I was hellish when I was 14. Yeahhh, as bad as he can be, I do love the kid. And no matter how often he likes to say he hates me and my parents, he does love us.

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