Expectations Are Bad, Mmmkay?!

So yesterday was Valentine’s Day; The day of the year when women get all excited and men get afraid.

Being in a long distance relationship is hard. It is even harder when you’re getting various opinions from everyone around you. That difficulty only increases when your loved one turns distant and irritable.

It sucks.

I have had a rough, hectic, and stressful last few weeks. Thankfully, I have still managed to find ways to spend less time holed up in my room and out socializing. But yet, stress persists. When I get stressed, I rely even more on my loved ones to help calm me down. No, I’m not asking them to take it on themselves or be my therapist. But just by calling and talking to people I love helps tremendously. Lately, that has been less and less my boyfriend and more and more the one friend who I almost completely wrote off last year (please don’t take offense, you know you’re my rock now). When the person you rely on for almost everything becomes distant, it really affects you. My mom always told me I needed to find happiness in myself, by myself. I agreed, but yet I always relied on Paul’s constant reassurance for it. Yet, recently the only time I hear his voice is when I call (and usually he’s not too happy that I did) or when he calls to say he’ll be in an area with little to no service. It hurt. Hearing his voice put an instant smile on my face. Why was I no longer doing that for him?

"OH MY GOODNESS. I can't believe my boyfriend was sweet enough to get me _____"

So then comes Valentine’s Day. Of course, we had been fighting the night before. But still I had hoped for something. Facebook killed me all day as girls posted about their “ahhhmazing” boyfriends and the wonderful gifts they received and boys bragged about how lucky they were to have them as their girl. Finally, I got a text from him. It simply read, “Happy Valentine’s Day. I love you.” And nothing more. I was crushed. This was the guy who wrote me pages and pages of sweet notes when we first started dating, and now this was all I was worth? That’s when it hit me. Things had changed. And not for the better. Still I was hopeful. Due to recent events, I was unable to visit him at his school this weekend, so I called to ask him to go home next weekend to finally meet my puppy. When he finally called back, I was greeted with a cold voice demanding, “WHAT?!” Ouch. It used to be okay to call him. It used to make him happy that I wanted to see him. No longer.


It honestly breaks my heart. But I did what I had to and mustered up the courage to tell him that if things couldn’t change, I couldn’t do this anymore. The worst part of it all? He didn’t say he would change. He didn’t say he would work on things. He didn’t say I was worth fighting for. He hung up and never looked back.

So folks, today, the day after the romantic holiday of the year, I sit alone at my desk and hope for brighter days ahead. Paul’s response proves to me that I was right. Our relationship had changed. I didn’t have the worth I once did to him. Plus, I have felt single ever since my surgery thanks to our lack of communication. I suppose that means I made the right decision.

Lesson for the Day: Be strong. Sometimes making the right choice hurts like a bitch. But in the long run, it will probably be just fine. At least I hope.


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