Shameless? Oh Yes.

I wanted to post this a week ago but I got so caught up in everything with my back that I didn’t have the time or energy to. But now, I sat down and forced myself, so here goes… I’m going to talk about my New Year’s Eve.

If only we had been this classy....

On New Years’, I learned quite a few new things about myself and others.

First and foremost, I learned that my boyfriend is a good guy. Despite what others have said over the past (almost) two years, Paul completely proved himself. I also learned that I need to learn to keep track of how much and how fast I drink, as does my best friend, Rae. So let me go through the highlights of my night.

How I saw the table at the end of the night.

1) Rae falls: Rae is dancing around as she plays beer pong, as she so often does. I’m at the other end talking to one of my friends, laughing and saying what a lightweight she is. After that final comment, I walk back to the other end of the table to sit behind where Rae is standing. While I do so, Rae goes flying about again, but this time someone had spilled water on the floor. BAM! Rae’s down. At first I was worried because the loud crack I heard could have been her head hitting the beer pong table. Luckily for her, it was only her hand in a fruitless attempt to catch herself.

2) Rae’s sexuality gets questioned: Rae and I are sitting around talking and I mention how excited I am to finally be able to kiss somebody at midnight. That’s when she realizes she doesn’t. So in classic Rae fashion, she decides she will have somebody to kiss – so she calls her boyfriend Pauly and asks if she can kiss Hennie. Then she told me, “I enjoy a little girl from time to time… but not you, Pauly and I talked about that…” Wtf. Letting that one go… When the time came, Hennie kissed her boyfriend turned around laughing like “oh haha time to kiss a girl” and BAM! Rae mauls her face. Rae doesn’t mess around.

Wish I had been smart enough to drink beer.

3) Paul’s a good one: I lose Paul for a while, so I’m out talking with his best friend, Mr. GI Joe himself. The door opens, Joe says to hide behind the bushes, I do. Then I go, “OH! It’s Paul!” Joe goes, “Bravo 2..” and waves me over. I go, “Paul! I understood him! He said bravo 2 and I moved in!!!”. Damn, am I a lightweight or what? The whole time he was gone it turns out he was getting Rae ready to go home. Very soon after, he had to usher me into the bathroom for some quality time with the porcelain god. Bless his heart, Paul had a tough one to deal with. Though I was very apologetic, I was also very bossy. I’d puke and then say “flush”, realizing after a  few pathetic attempts my vision was too blurry to even see the handle. Then comes the part when I realized just how soft and cushiony the toilet bowl was… I regret so many things about that night. But he stayed the whole time, holding my hair back, trying to get me to move to a bed, but instead I told him to call my mom.

Probably similar to how I looked...

4) My parents are the best: While most parents would be pissed at having to come pick up their drunk daughter, my mom handled it very well. I have vague memories of that drive home, including ordering her to stop the car. Upon stopping, I opened the door and crawled out onto the grass, and puked. I’m so amazed by how much I had in me. The bad part was the next morning having my mom and dad tell me all the things I had said and done. The biggest thing was when I crawled out of the car, I apparently was unaware how high my skirt had risen. All I remember was my mom saying, “Get back in the car, cops are out, and you’re underage”. Unfortunately for me, she was saying that as she got the full moon. How embarrassing. Not only did my mother have me shit faced, apologizing the whole way home, repeating the phrase “bad daughter”, but she also saw my entire ass. That is a level of shame I will never forget.

Basically, I had a rough, memorable night. I think I’ve learned my lesson…well, lessons. Don’t drink too fast. Aristocrat and Vitamin Water are not a good mix. Don’t think just because your best friend is a stumbling mess that you’re doing too much better. Drunk people say the dumbest things. But the best thing I learned is that the people in my life are very forgiving, and thankfully, have a good sense of humor. I started 2012 off with a bang. Unfortunately, it was just a tad too much. I was a shit show.

But I guess it coulda been worse... right?

Lesson for the Day: Be careful when you drink. You’re never as sober as you think.


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